Commando Consulting, March 2010

By Tom "Bald Dog" Varjan

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Last month we discussed 14 ways bad clients can encroach on consultants' boundaries and wreak major havoc in their lives.

This month we discuss another 13. The list may not be full, but it can give you some starting points to start "debugging" your clientele.

14. They expect you to go the "extra mile", but they are not willing to make "extra investment" for it: It has become expected of certain businesspeople - except taxi drivers, bus and train driver and pilots - to go the extra mile. How silly is that?

Imagine you fly from Toronto to London, and as a good measure of going the extra mile, the plane turns around over London and drops you off to Frankfurt.

"Hey, we go the extra mile for great customer service."

How happy would you be, considering that you wanted to go to London?

What is the extra mile in consulting services? Hey, we are talking about doling out customised intellectual property. How do you go the extra mile on that?

In consulting the extra mile is basically scope creep.

How can a funeral director offer the proverbial equivalent of the baker's dozen?

"We can cremate your dead father now, and for excellent customer service, let's wallop your mother over the head, so we can cremate her too for free."

People also talk about buying little gifts for clients... usually with the consulting firm's logo on the gift items. I disagree here. Instead of sending gifts, I prefer to spend my time and money to sharpen my skills, which in turn I can offer to my clients as new value.

What is more valuable for a client? A life-sized chocolate Santa for Christmas or a process that helps the client to reduce proposal-writing time by 50%. The way I see it, the client eventually eats Santa, but the proposals-writing process will stay with the client, saving her money and time forever.

Simply educate your clients about your practices in case they expect chocolate Santas.

15. Client roster contains too many friends and relatives: This can be a very slippery slope, landing you in very nasty situations. It's human nature that most people don't put much value on anything unless they can scratch the window with it. Something tangible. You can't do that with intellectual property. Many people buy expensive cars but absolutely refuse to invest some extra dollars to take advanced driving courses.

They refuse to pay $15 for a private tutor for their kids, but happily pay 6-10 times of that amount to their hairdressers. I think this is where we can learn from lawyers. They are good at framing the problem and if you want the answer, then you get the typical...

"Here is my card. Call my office for an appointment."

People often expect their friends and relatives to "help" them for free. And when they receive the help, they often fail to fully appreciate it and apply it.

16. They refuse to answer tough questions: Just as gynaecologists ask their patients to lie down and spread their legs for a thorough diagnosis, you too have to ask your clients to spread their legs... figuratively of course.

Prospects must be willing to answer tough questions to establish whether or not there is a mutually beneficial basis for working together. Prospects must understand that to achieve something worthwhile is neither comfortable nor convenient (and definitely not cheap), and they must be ready and willing to participate in the creation of that new value.

The sooner you start firing the "tough diagnostic questions", the sooner you find out whether your prospects stay and get accepted as a client or get rejected for naughty behaviour. Hey, dentists ask their patients to open their mouths after a casual "Hello". Dentists are there to point out what their patients haven't seen and solve problems.

Remember, you are a consultant not a rapport-building visitor.

17. They are in a constant rush: They have no patience to discuss various options for next steps. They tend to say...

"That sounds good. Do it for me!"

Remember, consulting is supposed to be a collaborative relationship, not a "do it FOR me" gig. You and your client do everything jointly. There is no such thing as "Hey hotshot, show me what you can do for me".

18. They are busy digging for iron-clad guarantees for results: This approach only shows they have no confidence in themselves, and are looking for a scapegoat just in case something goes wrong. I do believe in offering a fair guarantee as part of consulting engagements, but when prospects base their buying decisions on guarantees, especially guarantees for results, that's a definite warning sign for me. Also, guaranteeing results is unethical. As a consultant, you offer value which only your clients can integrate into the operations of their businesses.

Yes, guarantees can be enticing but trying to make prospects decide for you just because you offer a guarantee can land you in deep trouble. Consulting is not like a weight loss pill, which if you take according to the recommendation, which most people are utterly incapable of, you lose weight. The consultant's advice must be acted upon, and that is the client's job, which most clients miserably fail at. You don't have to take on the client's company's inherent sloth.

19. They compliantly nod and agree with everything you say: Be afraid, very afraid of "quiet" clients. They stay silent for a while, letting you fly alone and blind without any feedback, but when they finally open their mouths, it can shatter your eardrums.

Many years ago I submitted the first draft to the client and asked him to review it and get back to me.

He got back to me and told me to finalise the copy and if it doesn't work, I would write another one. And he expected me to keep writing until I would produce the right copy. But he said he was too busy to work with me on it.

So, I donned my hat and left with the down payment.

These clients let you work on various things, like plans and processes, but when you pass these plans to them for review, you have a long time to wait. And when the deadline arrives, they call you out of the blue and demand why the project is not completed yet. Most of these clients expect you to do everything while they sit back and relax.

20. They hesitate to sign agreements: They try to convince you to play on a handshake, knowing that later they can play a bit of scope creep with you and you have no legs to stand on. Make sure everything is in writing, so you both become accountable to the same document what you sign at the beginning.

But, these same prospects are very very quick at getting you sign non-disclosure and non-compete agreements.

And guess what? Great clients actually trust you and don't even bother to waste your time on non-disclosure agreements.

Even the main agreement doesn't have to be signed. Instead of the signature you can consider the down payment as a go-ahead for the project.

And the main agreement is not really a legal document but a working roadmap for the project. More on this, you can read Ten Deadly Proposal Preparation Pitfalls.

21. They are looking for the cheapest provider: These people are not interested in quality or any other form of value. They buy anything as long as it's dirt cheap.

Those Walmart-like "low low price" businesses employ cheap unskilled or barely skilled staff to churn out low-brow products and services using crappy raw materials.

And what are the row materials in consulting? People's minds.

Keep away from these buyers. Ideally your disqualification process should eliminate them even before you personally meet them.

Remember the old saying...

"If you lie down with dogs, you wake up with flees."

These commercial parasites can cause significant damage to your firm's reputation. Remember the phrase: Guilty by association.

Here in Canada, Air Wing Commander, Col. Russ Williams is charged with multiple cases of first degree murder, forcible confinement, break and entry and sexual assault. Nice list.

"Interestingly", Williams once studied economics with and befriended the serial killer and multiple rapist, Paul Bernardo.

And even if Williams were innocent as a new-born lamb, he would be guilty by association, which would have a serious impact on the jury.

22. They are overly transaction-focused: They want you to come in, do the job and clear out. The funny thing is that these demands come from some type A people, who are some of the greatest underachievers in life. Yes, they achieve great things in certain areas in life, but look at the price they pay! And they want everything perfect the first time around.

No errors, no mistakes are tolerated (apart from the many they and their people make - see any research on type A people, and how they stumble from mistake to mistake very efficiently and very blindly).

I think the word efficient was invented for them: Running very fast often in the wrong direction. I have recently worked with a hardcore type A CEO of an IT firm on some personal issues that impacted her work and her relationship with her people. I showed her the research report according to which, type A people's average life span is some 15 years shorter than average folk's. First she shrugged it off, saying "Oh well, that's me".

After about twenty minutes of chatting about her small grandkids, she was more than ready to change her lifestyle. For most of these people projects are about financial gain only, and even if you help them to save a bundle of time and money, they won't respect you because you haven't actually made money for them.

But a few of them have the common sense to shed their blindness and change their lives for the better.

23. They insist on paying you on completion: The problem here is that they can drag out the completion date as long as they want to. Has it ever happened to you that you finished the project according to the agreement, passed it on for final approval, but the approval didn't happen because the buyer was too busy doing something completely different? And who pays the price? Yes, you. Make sure you get your full payment way before completion.

24. They suffer from various personality disorders: Some may be slightly paranoid, blaming you for everything, including the Second World War, the fall of communism (sigh of relief) and the Holocaust. Some are neurotic, blaming themselves for everything, often to such degree that you can't reason with them.

They use phrases like: "This is too much for me", "I'm overwhelmed", "I can't keep up with this", etc. They keep putting themselves down and consequently act out the shortcomings they have just brought on themselves. For instance: "I've told you I'm not a techie", and formats the hard drive to prove the point, losing all data. We all have abilities to coach clients through some humps and bumps, but we shouldn't try to deal with people who need psychiatric treatment. Most of us are not licensed for that.

25. They try to isolate you from the real economic buyer: This often happens when you work with implementing teams whose leaders want to take control over you. They know that if they can keep you away from the real buyer, then they - the team leaders - can present progress to buyers in any which way they see fit, softening their own accountabilities and your contributions while hardening their credits and your mistakes.

Now, this is not nastiness, but playing the company's political game. They know if they present their reports "correctly", the can achieve promotions and hefty pay increases.

So, make sure you stay in touch with the buyer throughout the project and even afterwards. Also make sure that you too provide a summary to buyers, emphasising that your summary is free of politics and personal agenda-pushing.

26. They promise you lots of subsequent work if you give them discounts now: Except that it hardly ever happens. And even if it happens, imagine you go to Air Canada's ticket office saying...

"Hey, give me a really cheap ticket to London, and if I like the service, I will travel with you next year on first class."

You can't even get such a commodity as plane tickets, let alone consulting services. Besides, once you get written up in the buyer's history book as a low-budget alternative, you will never be able to charge premium fees. And besides that you will never be perceived as a peer, but rather a pathetic, pitiful peddler hungry for a little handout.

Even worse, you are never considered for projects of premium importance. You get called in to fix crashed hard drives (tactical repair work), but somebody else is called in to re-design and re-build the company's network (strategic design work).

You get called in to run a sales workshop, but somebody else is called in to re-design the company's business development strategy.

Huge difference.

27. They want to pay you a percentage of increased sales: This is swell. Imagine you go to your mortgage lender and say...

"If the house is as good as you say, then give it to me for free, then I rent out the basement and pay you a percentage of the rent I collect every month."

Can you visualise the amazement on the face of your mortgage dude? Sadly many consultants try to lure in clients by offering guaranteed results (consulting is collaborative and you cannot guarantee other people's action). Therefore I believe it is a mistake to accept percentage payments.

Besides, percentage payment loses the consultant's objectivity, which can lead to short-term cash but also to long-term crash.

One service I provide quite often is to design lead generation and sales automation systems for consulting firms. But I can't guarantee increased sales. The desired improvement is something we create together.

So, what can you do to prevent yourself from being pestered by inappropriate prospects? Well, the best you can do is to create a very rigorous and highly automated self-disqualification process for prospects.

Look you don't have to start a relationship with a personal meeting that eats up two hours of your time. Make sure you come into the equation only after the prospect has made a conditional commitment to hire you. If your target is small businesses, this rule applies about a gazillion times more. You have to make sure that your fee doesn't become funding for a vacation or a new car, and the client comes back to you "I can't afford it now".

If you can automate the whole discovery/disqualification process, several great things happen. You consistently get clients with specific attributes. The application form prospects have to fill in is objective and is based on your Perfect Client Profile. You also drastically reduce the time you spend with people before they make a commitment to hiring you.

On Summary

We've gone through 27 important points, so now what to do next?

Some people may say that one or two inappropriate clients sure can't ruin the firm. Maybe not. But there is a huge chance that yes.

And here Axl Rose of Guns 'n' Roses has some wisdom for us...

"When the shit hit the fan
It was all I could stand
Yeah, well I'm a frequent flyer
My body's breathing while it can
But what I don't understand is that
My world ain't gettin' no brighter
If I could touch the sky
Well I would float on by
While everybody's talkin'
Hell I'm just another guy
If it were up to me
I'd say just leave me be
Why let one bad apple
Spoil the whole damn bunch
Why let one bad apple
Spoil the whole damn bunch
Boy!!"

I think the next step should be to craft a Perfect Client Profile. Break it down to three segments like...

1. The Perfect Buyer


2. The Perfect Company


3. The Perfect Engagement

And based on this information, you can design your Engagement Application Form where you can ask some tough questions.

Yes, some people at this stage wouldn't answer tough questions. Actually, most of them would never answer tough questions. So, they have to be disqualified.

Imagine a woman goes to the doctor with the suspicion of contracted HIV. The receptionist - not the doctor, not even the nurse, but the receptionist - gives her a form to fill in with tough questions like...

"Names and phone numbers of people with whom you have had unprotected sex within the last six months."

And what happens if the patient-applicant refuses to fill in the questionnaire?

Nothing. Not a sausage.

The receptionist escorted her out of the clinic. Plus for good measure, the receptionist alerts her fellow receptionists in other clinics not to waste time on this woman. So, there is a good chance that this woman never sees a good doctor.

By "good" I mean doctors who are good enough to be picky of people they accept as patients.

Basically this woman is as good as dead. Good clinics won't accept her, so she has to go to some shady clinic run by dodgy "doctors". So, she's dead.

And here is the other side of the same coin.

Every now and then it happens to all of us that somehow less than perfect clients sneak into our rosters. And maybe we give them a chance to change for the better, but if they don't change, I think the best we can do is to heed the practical advice of Axl Rose of Guns 'n' Roses.

"Ya get out on your own
And you take all that you own
And you forget about your home
And then you're just fuckin' gone."

We don't need to argue with clients or to play the martyr, just quietly move on. Yes, Axl says it a bit more colourfully, but if you've had the good fortune to see the band live a few times, as I have, then you know that Axl is a bit of an expert at using colourful language, and he's not exactly bashful to use it when the occasion calls. Well, for him life is a permanent call for that occasion, but we forgive him, don't we?

On that note, fish out your Use Your Illusion I CD, or grab it from iTunes, crank up the volume and engage in some strategic neighbour-nurturing.

Come and let's discuss this newsletter issue on my blog...

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